As men, we usually have periods in our lives where our only goal seems to be to spread seeds like a bee with a severe pollen addiction. But in the end, what we really end up wanting is a serious, committed and happy relationship.
That’s why we have so many guys contacting us… wanting to learn how to girl a girlfriend.
Ultimately, we want to find that girl who is our perfect mate… with who we can connect on a deep level, and feel real love. And when we meet her, we want to be able to attract her and make her like us!
But that’s what often complicates things.
Men who are struggling to understand how to attract women, or get their dating life “handled”… as well as experienced players too… they find it difficult to get a girlfriend, for different reasons.
For men who have never been “good” with women, attracting a woman sexually and getting her interested is difficult — even though they have no problem making friends with women.
The player, on the other hand… he has no difficulty getting girls into bed. But he may have a hard time opening up, and dealing with the softer and more emotional aspects for finding a woman he truly likes. A woman can sense his uneasiness about this, and hesitates to commit to him.
You might not have appreciate this… but there are many players out their grieving abut the losing the relationship they really want to nice guys… just as there are less sexually successful men who envy the players and their many sex partners.
What We All Want In The End
The bottom line is… all of our efforts seem to culminate in this goal of getting a girlfriend, one way or another. That’s what it’s about — finding a special girl that we really want to be with and being able to recognize it when we see it. That seems to be why we want to sow our wild oats early and have many sexual partners: so that we will have lived out our desires, learned what we like and be ready when the right woman comes our way.
If you’re reading this, maybe you feel like you’ve tired of the wild life and you want to settle down. Or maybe you’ve found out that you want a relationship more than you want to live the bachelor lifestyle. No matter why you’re reading this, we have put together this comprehensive guide for how to get a girlfriend. The principles here will help you make sure that when you find the girl of your dreams… you’ll know how to get her and build the relationship you desire.
Principles To Get Straight Before You’ve Even Met Her:
1. Don’t Obsess Over “Getting A Girlfriend”
For many of the men we coach, one of their main hindrances is, ironically enough… their eagerness to find a relationship. They obsess over their need to have a girlfriend, demonstrating clingy and needy behavior. And when they do meet girls they like, they usually scare them away because of this. Or the girl requests an exclusively sexual relationship without a chance for romance.
They sense that the guy is moving into things too fast. And his eagerness and desperation for a more involved relationship puts them off.
Don’t be overwhelmed with the thought of “how do I get a girlfriend”. Instead, let it develop naturally as you make these changes. Because men who are obsessed with this thought clearly communicate a view of the world where they are the ones to be selected by the woman… where all they do all they can to win her favor.
If you’ve read any of our other articles, you’ll know that this kind of thinking is killer.
Women want men who feel like they are the choosers — men who select the women they want in their life. That is the mindset you yourself need to have. And it’s essential when you want to be with a sexy, vibrant or confident girl who knows her value.
2. Put Away Any Thoughts Of “The One”
The other mistake many men make is to create a relationship with the girl in their heads before one exists in real life.
We see a girl we like… and before long, we’re fantasizing about kissing, having sex, snuggling, and going on romantic dates. And we get enamored with her almost before we’ve even said “hello”.
Thus, we set off the chemicals in our brain that causes infatuation. And we’re convinced that she is that one perfect girl we’ve been dreaming of. Therefore, we focus all our attention on that girl… ignore all our other options… and become very needy indeed.
This effectively kills all chances of something happening.
Rest assured — your mind is deluding you. Whatever qualities the object of your desire may possess… there are thousands of girls out there who would create exactly the same feelings. There is no “one” girl destined for us, but many possibilities.
There are 7 billion people on Earth, and 3.5 billion of them are women. Of those, 2 billion are potentially datable. You do the math. Getting a girlfriend is easily attainable, if you have the right outlook and techniques.
Set aside your obsession, and focus instead on creating abundance in your life. Rather than being a serial monogamous dater, focusing your energy on one girl at a time… start meeting more women, and go on many dates with many different women. (Our article, “How To Ask A Girl Out”, covers this.)
When you’re constantly meeting new women… whether they turn out to be your type or not, you’ll start to see yourself as a man with choices. You’ll naturally become choosier, by learning what it is you truly desire in a woman.
When the right type of woman does come along, you’ll recognize it right away. But also, you’ll know that there are several good women out there who you could be with. And this will stop you from acting needy or clingy.
When you have that calmness in yourself, a woman will notice it. And she’ll relax as well, making you a lot more attractive in her eyes. This makes it much easier for you to take your relationship in your desired direction.
Building A Relationship
Now we’ve covered those basics, let’s delve more deeply into the matter.
Assuming you’ve met the girl you want to make your girlfriend… here are our main guidelines for helping you avoid it ending up as just sex, or, having it fizzle out.
Don’t Sleep With Her Super Quickly…
When women are looking for someone to date, they want to feel secure that he wants them for more than just sex. Therefore, when women have sex with someone on the first date, they’ll often feel that things went too far too fast.
They won’t want to see you again, labeling it as a one-night stand. She’ll also ask herself how many girls you sleep with on the first night.
You run the risk of her labeling you as a “player”.
Instead, wait a little while to sleep with her. You don’t necessarily have to follow the “three date rule” or anything. But allow some time for you to both get to know each other well. And let her know that you’re interested in the possibility of having the relationship develop into something more serious that a mere fling. She’ll also be more comfortable. And the social pressure of having sex will decrease, as she feels more comfortable with you.
… But Don’t Wait Too Long Either
Don’t wait too long though. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And a girl who is interested in you and thinks that you don’t want to have sex with her will be furious indeed. It may also lead her to assume you don’t have the guts. She will lose interest.
Of course, if sparks are flying and it feels like the stars and the moon have aligned to facilitate your meeting… then having sex on the first date isn’t wrong. In fact, many relationships start out that way.
However, experience has told us that holding out for a while makes the setting much more romantic, and helps a good deal to build a solid foundation.
What’s the moral of the story? Keep it in your pants… for a little while.
Get Out Of The Bedroom
After all that advice about taking her to the bedroom… it might seem strange that I’m now telling you to take her out of it. However, many budding relationships fail to develop further due to the sex becoming the main aspect.
Sex creates a strong physical attraction. But for the emotional connection and getting to know each other, you need more than that.
Take her on dates where you can be alone and learn more about each other. This is very important, if you want to make her your girlfriend. Invite her to open up to you. Learn what her passions are, and see how you connect. (This is the only way to know if you would even enjoy a relationship with her).
Share adventures together, and make memories. Cook together. Go to a gig. Take a walk in the forest. Visit a theme park with adrenaline-filled rides. Do a picnic. Take her to a rave party. Discuss things you could do together in the future — like traveling to places you have both wanted to visit.
This is a lot of fun. But it also creates a sort of bubble for you two — a feeling of “your world”, where you do things together and share the experiences.
Do Something Adventurous With Her
Be outgoing and adventurous. It’s a great personality to develop. And it will undoubtedly help you get a girlfriend.
One especially good thing to do is… take her to do something adventurous and unique that she has never done before, like going to a Reptile Park, for overcoming her fear of holding snakes or spiders.
It may sound weird or frightening. But she will remember it as an exciting experience. And she will link it to you in her mind, which helps make a strong connection between the two of you. (Obviously it doesn’t have to be snakes or other slithery creatures. Just something fun and unique.)
Don’t Rush Into Things Too Quickly
When we have a good thing going… mechanisms inside our mind see the possibility of a sure-fire stab at propagating our DNA, and become a little overzealous.
Because of this, we have a tendency to rush into things. We try to bring her to meet our family… our pets… or our collection of Star Wars memorabilia. We might even ask her to move in with us pretty prematurely.
When things are going well and everything feels so right… it’s hard to think rationally at times, even though we are ashamed of our eagerness in retrospect when the infatuation chemicals have worn off. It’s important to remember that these things can be a serious step for many people — even if you don’t think so at the time. Rushing into things like this too quickly will often scare the girl away.
When it comes to building a relationship, slow and steady wins the race.
If the girl likes you, she will keep seeing you. You’ll have plenty of time to get to those stages — and, just as important, to see if you are truly compatible. Focus on really getting to know her yourself first. There is no need to involve your family of any sorts for at least a few months. And moving in shouldn’t be considered until a year or so.
If you want to take things further, the best point to start with is to invite her out to meet your friends. But let that be an invitation, not a demand. Make it an open invitation, which she can accept when she feels comfortable making things more official. Until then, just enjoy your time with her.
If you’re right for one another, things will progress in good time.
Maintain A Life That Doesn’t Involve Her
This is a crucial principle to remember — both for the sake of your relationship and yourself.
When two people fall in love, they tend to be all over each other. And to friends, it sometimes seems that the two are joined at the hip. I’m sure you’ve known couples that do everything together. Or you have a best friend with whom you’re dying to spend some alone time — without his beloved coming along every single time.
If so, you can see why you’d want to avoid that yourself.
When you are infatuated… your priorities change, and all you want to do is to be with your loved one. But over time, this can become suffocating and your social life takes the hit. This becomes especially evident whenever a relationship ends and the man has lost contact with most of his friends and has to start again from scratch.
I’m saying “man” for a reason. Women tend to keep in close touch with their girlfriends, and men keep hitting on her all time — keeping her social motor going. We men, on the other hand… we often become complacent, and forget to nurture our social life outside the relationship. Even with our best friends.
Be careful. If you let your social life go, you’ll become more and more dependent on your girlfriend for socialization. And when this happens, her attraction to you will diminish and the relationship will quickly become unhealthy.
If she senses that you are giving up your social life for her when starting a relationship, she’ll be gone quickly. No girl respects a man who gives up his life for her.
Your personality… your hobbies… and the life you led when you met her… this is what attracted her in the first place. If you give it all up for her… then what’s left of the man you were when she fell in love with you?
Also… keeping a social life outside of the relationship helps to keep it fresh and lively, and lets you put it into perspective as an aspect of your life, rather that it being your entire life. You’ll return to each other invigorated and rejuvenated. And you’ll be more appreciative of your partner that ever before.
This is key in helping you get a girlfriend — and keeping her.
Make Sure She Understands That You Want A Relationship
She must know that you see her as a potential girlfriend — and not as a mere friend, or sex-friend. After kissing or having had sex, this is more obvious. But before that, you should take care to remind her at times that this is a man talking to a woman, with all that that entails.
We have seen, experienced and heard of many cases where a man thinks he is dating a woman — while she has seen it as a completely friendly relationship. When this finally becomes apparent to the man as well, he is understandably very hurt.
Make sure to tell her that you see her as more than just a friend. And make it apparent through your communication that you are a sexual creature. Spike the conversation with sexual remarks, and state your intent — especially if you feel she’s stringing you along as a friend.
(Our article, “How To Talk To Girls”, covers this in more detail.)
Make sure you’ve kissed her by the end of the second or third date — or that you’ve at least tried. If you wait too long, she may misinterpret your intentions. Or she’ll lose interest, thinking that you don’t have the guts to make a move. Then it’ll be game over.
(If you feel nervous “making a move”, then that’s the first thing to fix. Our article, “How To Kiss A Girl”, will help you with this.)
If things go awry, and she doesn’t reciprocate your advances or feelings, don’t act needy or lose your confidence. Because this will put you in the friend zone. You’ll hurt yourself, and it will do you no good.
If she doesn’t reciprocate, then clearly she is not right for you. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
Return to first principles. Remember, there are countless girls out there who fit your criteria. Get back in the game. Because as your dating skills get better, things will only get easier.
A Final Word Of Advice
When you apply these tips and concepts to your life… you’ll stop worrying about how to get a girlfriend. And, ironically, your power to get the relationship you want will rise dramatically too. However, keep your wits about you.
And remember, this stuff isn’t set in stone. Forming a relationship is not a set of rigid sequences. Rather, it’s a rocky road with unexpected turns and twists — and it’s different for everyone. The steps presented here will definitely help you. But they are guidelines, not rules. Life is never predictable. Therefore, do the best with the information you have, and make the best choices based on the situation.
Nonetheless, it’s best to gather as much knowledge as you can. Because the more you know, the more prepared you’ll be for any situation — and the easier you’ll find it to attract girls, and make one of them your girlfriend.
What you’ve read here is really just the tip of the iceberg. We save all our best advice for our inner circle of email subscribers. And if you’re at all serious about getting this area of your life handled, you need to get on our list immediately.